Top 10 Reasons API is Almost Back!

After reading a somewhat humorous blog entitled "Top 10 Reasons 'Bama IS NOT Back" containing a detailed list of delusional reasons Alabama is far from any sort of relevant contentions this year, created by -- you guessed it -- none other than a Barnie, I thought I'd retaliate with a blog of my very own. Enjoy...


Top 10 Reasons Alabama Polytechnic Institute is almost back!



1) The playing field: API’s dominance over Alabama came during a time of which Alabama underwent nearly half a dozen coaching changes in eight seasons, and lost nearly thirty scholarships over a five year period. That prompted high quality talent to choose API over Alabama, which led to their sudden success. Not to mention half of our roster was apart of recruiting classes that finished ranked behind Ole Miss and Mississippi State, no disrespect to them.

2) History of domination: Alabama has a strong history of dominating API when their program isn’t in ruins. API only won 3 Iron Bowls in the 90s, and 4 out of 12 up until the year 2002, which was the year Alabama’s downfall began, the pieces are slowly picking themselves up, and before long, Alabama will pick back up where they left off BEFORE their program fell apart.

3) Tommy Tuberville: Tuberville has been a head coach in the SEC for 14 years. He posted losing records in the SEC in his first six seasons. He won his first and only SEC title, with a senior led offense, in his TENTH year of coaching. He NEVER FOUND THE KEY TO SUCCESS until he cleverly managed to fill Alabama’s void courtesy of the NCAA and a myriad of coaching changes, which also saved him from being canned at The Alabama Polytechnic Institute. After his and API’s cross state superior was eliminated from competition, that’s when he and the API Cowgirls elevated to the top. When Alabama arises from the pits of mediocrity, they’ll slap Tuberville and the API Cowgirls back into their rightful rank in the state and in the SEC.

4) Nick Saban: LSU endured seven losing seasons in the 1990s. When he took over at LSU, they immediately became the dominator of the SEC West, and because of Nick Saban to this day, they’re still the division’s top team. In five years, Nick Saban won 2 SEC titles and 1 BCS title. He took over an Alabama program in a similar, but slightly worse condition, so expect him to do the same here.

5) History of coaching: When Bear Bryant took over in the 1950s, API had a four game winning streak going over Alabama. In his first season, he posted a mediocre 5-4 record and lost to API, which was the fifth straight win over Alabama. Bear Bryant retired from Alabama with a record not worth mentioning over API, just to save them the humiliation. In 1990, Gene Stallings took over during a time of which API had four consecutive wins over Alabama. Though he did post a mediocre 7-5 record in his first season, he also ended the streak, and retired from Alabama having owned API 5-2. Now, Nick Saban’s in a similar position, and just as Barnies ran their mouth about Stallings and Bryant, they’re doing the same with Saban. With time, he’ll ultimately put Tubby back in his place, and silence the Barnies who AUbsess daily over Alabama and Nick Saban.

6) Coordinators: When Tubby realizes Tony "The Innovator of controversy" Franklin is just as worthless as Al Borges it’ll be seven. And when Paul Rhoads realizes there are better opportunities elsewhere in college towns that don’t center around woods and trailer parks, and provide more entertainment than just rodeos for the students, he’ll abandon API and that will make eight.

7) Recruiting: Tuberville’s marvelous recruiting during the time of which Alabama was unable to recruit at full force has suddenly turned in Alabama’s favor, and now Tuberville is stealing worthless recruits away from East Popcorn State, Montgomery Institute for the blind, and Opelika Middle School. If he couldn’t win with this kind of talent at Ole Miss, and at API before our downfall occurred, he won’t win with this type of talent today.

8) Close calls: Throughout API’s remarkable six* game win streak over the Tide during their time of sorrow, they’re only defeating Alabama by an average of 7 points or less. With that being said, they’ve one upped Alabama in recruiting all throughout their period of decline, yet they’re only defeating them by an average of 7 points or less?!?! Now that Alabama is not just one upping them, but flat out owning them, API will have to find a new method of winning that doesn’t consist of heavily relying on one or two crucial in game mishaps on Alabama’s behalf to win the game by a hair.

9) Karma: Karma is a bitch. Everyone with more than half a brain realizes that to be true. Holding up fingers, taunting the losers of the game is sheerly classless. Stomping your opposition’s logo after a victory is sheerly classless. Not punishing your players for being bullies and knocking down members of Alabama’s yell crew is sheerly classless. Running amok 24/7, 365 days a year, insisting on rubbing it in Alabama fan’s faces that you’ve consecutively won during the worst period in Alabama’s modern history, while every other fan base treats the win with class and moves on, is classless. Karma will catch up, and when it does, it’s going to devastate the Barnies in an unbearable fashion.

10) Equilibrium: It is comical for Barnies to talk about the Louisiana-Monroe game, but little do they realize they’re L-M’s equal at the current moment. L-M defeated Alabama 21-14 where as API defeated Alabama 17-10. While the jaws are moving, L-M aka API’s equal is going to walk into Opelika and snap those jaws shut after API realizes their equal is also their superior as well.

Don’t worry though. This may not be the year, but next year definitely is! War Damn Eagle Hey!